Because there is nothing more exciting than opening a bunch of plain brown boxes for Christmas!!!
I don't know about you, but the idea of children running up to this guy screaming, "Santa, Santa, Santa!" is not exactly the best one. After all, chances are that this guy has a prison record and likely hates his life for working for such a piss poor company. He'll not only kick your fragile packages around in his sleigh, but also kick the shit out of any toddlers that even look at him twice.
UPS Santa is not that cheerful, jolly old man we're used to... He's a modern, alcoholic, Nascar watching hick with no time to deal with naughty or nice lists. Don't piss him off!
-k8
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