Monday, October 12, 2015
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
I just installed Blogger on my phone, so now I can bring you the worst thrift store nightmares from anywhere on earth.
That being said, let's look at this turd of a VHS tape I found. Featuring unknown artist "Kenny Marks", this video is not only offensive to the sensibilities because of the guy's terrible yet cheap 80s haircut, it is that much more insulting because this prick presumes that I have nothing better to do with a Friday night than to watch this garbage. If I had to choose between spending my Friday night with this asshole and sticking a hot iron to my face, I'll take the iron any day.
Lastly, it seems that this video comes from a church, so I must assume that this is another thinly veiled Christian rock act trying to disguise itself as "hip" music, much like that awful Allies band I reviewed a couple entries back. I examined the cover thoroughly but found no references to Jesus, so I can only assume that upon listening to this garbage, we'd be treated to a generic keyboard line and then BAM! Profession of undying love for Jesus.
Needless to say, I threw this right back into the bin I dug it out of.
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Monday, February 25, 2013
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Are you a deadbeat uncle on a budget? Then this cheaply made doll head is perfect. It may not provide quality, but it certainly will provide quantity, especially when paired with a deformed baby doll or a bag of Mexican mystery candy.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
How awesome is this? I can have a creepy-ass dude with a beard that screams "you gonna get raped" peek over "picture frames, bulletin boards, shirt pockets, jeans, pockets, pocket books, novels and all sorts of other places". What those other places may be I will leave up to you to decide.
Friday, September 28, 2012
Upon more closely inspecting the one on the right, I"m convinced that that is some sort of glass blade. Ok, good luck with that, Mr. Neckbeard defending your house. I'm positive that you'd have better luck striking the assailant with the injection molded eagle handle.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Looking at this album cover, your first impression may well be "what the fuck! I didn't know Air Supply released a hair metal album!" But behind all of the blue-to-heliotrope gradients, gold embossing and overexposed black and white photography, you'll find a pitifully obscure 80's act that sounds like a phoned-in combination of Rick Springfield and Peter Cetera. Just check out a video of track 1, which shows us another hilarious album cover:
Immediately we're assaulted by the most generic keyboard riff I've ever heard. I had to wake myself up to catch these lyrics:
From the day you are born,
there's a battle goin' on in your soul,
comes a time in your life,
when you've gotta give somebody control.
This is it, time is now,
and the change should be like day and night.
it's so hard to hold out,
but it's easy when you give up the fight.
All you life, he's wanted you,
he's wanted you,
he's cared for you,
I'm tellin' you.
Now you know he loves you so,
Ok, I've fucking had enough. Either this is a song about a stalker, or I've stumbled upon some sort of Christian music disguised as synth-driven 80's rock, a normally awesome style of music. Needless to say, this crap belongs in the circular file.