Monday, July 5, 2010

Death Clown

I'm always quite freaked out by the amount of clown crap we find at thrift stores. Thrift stores have an uneasy vibe about them BECAUSE they are clown graveyards of sorts. Any child who has ever held clown nightmares and received a tacky clown knick knack from Great Aunt Pearl will most likely jump on their bike and pay the nearest Goodwill to take it off their hands! What thrift store haven't you walked into and spotted rows and rows of hollow clown eyes staring holes into your inner childhood? You can almost here the crazed giggles and circus music as you walk by, or in my case, run by...

This knick knack disturbed me in multiple ways.

1. It's a clown knick knack. Enough said. Why people will continue to make these horrible pieces of old lady art, I will never know. CLOWNS ARE NOT CUTE, FUNNY, OR CLEVER!!!

2. Notice its death eyes. *shudders*

3. Why does it appear as if the child is worshiping it? Clearly that evil clown has a spell over the poor boy or the child is just terrified for his life.

4. I don't know about you, but if I had a box with a clown the same size as me popping out, I'd be peeing my pants. There's no way that's supposed to be a toy.

I hate clowns! So if you ever happen to come across a clown related item and feel the need to give it away to your nearest thrift store, STOP! Take it out back, pour some gasoline over it, hire a priest to exorcist it, and proceed to light that sucker up in flames!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Hot Potato!

Or rather... Giant glowing mutant potato!

Thanks Emily M. for discovering this hideous masterpiece and submitting it to us! Upon seeing this nightmare, I immediately became convinced that there is some sort of weird potato cult or potato fetish people out there. Who else would take it upon themselves to create such an item? But not only did these people take it upon themselves to make an actual potato lamp, but they made a GIANT potato lamp at that! This sucker measures in at 3 feet by 2 feet! WHAT!? Imagine how many french fries you could get from that!

You know there is no other lamp like this in existence. Kudos to you, Emily, for purchasing this one of a kind item! You've done us proud! I know if I were in your position, I'd have done the same thing!

Feel free to send anymore nightmares our way fellow thrift store shoppers!

Thursday, June 3, 2010

King of the Jungle

Just explain to me... Under which circumstances would one ever wear this shirt?

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Christmas time in May!

Hey guys, you know what's awesome? Getting great deals on clearance Christmas items! The way you go about doing this is so easy too! You just buy the Christmas items on the off season and you'll get them for practically a steal! Then come next Christmas you won't have to pay high dollar prices to decorate your lovely home! Now, it might be a little harder to find Christmas items in the month of may at your local department store, but a thrift store is always a good start! So let's see here... Need a Christmas tree?

Oh um... So that's a Christmas tree found at the Salvation Army, huh? Maybe it's not so bad... Let's take a good look, shall we?

-It's pre-lit. That's always a plus... But the lights are tangled.
-It's able to stand upright... But it is missing the upper half...
-It's green! It has that going for it!

Yeah... I don't know. Is it really worth the 10 dollars? I think Charley Brown may have one upped this sorry tree.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Tied up books...

These books must have been so crappy that they couldn't even untie them, sort them, and price them... It was quicker and cheaper to give you the whole lot for $1.00. But look at what you get! I'm sure you can't find information this up-to-date about Jesus just anywhere!

Monday, March 29, 2010

Another Reject Art Project

Let's hope little Timmy never walks into this Good Will and sees his masterpiece made especially for mommy in this craptastic store! His tears falling may prove to be more devastating than these deformed lizard creations.

Monday, March 8, 2010

The Mug Blob.

Who needs those fancy Denny's mugs when you can just drink from a turd mug? Seriously, someone kindly explain to me what this is supposed to be. And what's with the nose? All I'm getting from that is some demented Pinnochio offspring gone wrong...

Thursday, February 25, 2010

The South will rise again!

Yeah... I'm thinking not. Not with all this crap ending up in every thrift store you visit.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

The Mystery is solved.

You may remember back to this entry:

Baby Jesus... Why is he always missing? Where does he go to? Who in their sick, twisted mind would steal such a famous religious figure?

Well, apparently he's not gone for good because baby Jesus always turns up somewhere. In this case, the Salvation Army holds him hostage.

At least that mystery is solved! Now if only we could figure out how to rid the nasty, dingy thrift store smell from all items purchased there...

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Tacky, tacky, tacky

Here we've got four, count 'em, four eagles and an America Mountain.

Army Bear

Something tells me Sgt. Snuggles here won't be marching into combat any time soon with that gimpy leg. And we all know where this bear got that gimpy leg, too... A fat kid who was a little too old to be playing with teddy bears smashed it in six places. The doctors all say the bear may walk again, but he's going to need years of painful surgery and physical therapy.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Stamp nightmare

Someone loved this postage stamp of a mad black woman so much that they couldn't help themselves from having it encased in plastic. I'd kick myself if this thing were worth like $300 on ebay and I didn't buy it for $.90 when I had the chance.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

The Newest State

As a resident of Gllinois, I'm glad the person who painstakingly painted this one-of-a-kind Gllinois commemorative plate lovingly captured all of the things I love about Gllinois. Not only is Abe Lincoln's slightly retarded Gllinoian brother Lester pictured, but a depressing city, a phallic structure, a rickety shack in the middle of nowhere, and a dilapidated government building all fit in quite nicely. These are just some of the amazing things you'll see on your next trip to Gllinois.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Please kill me

Just try to imagine the miserable, pathetic old lady that would carry this bag. If you look inside, I'm sure you'll find a bottle of Geritol, some denture paste, and a Matlock VHS tape.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Keep an Eye Out Folks

We have just welcomed a new child into the world, so, dear readers, as you can imagine, we've been busy. But we have NOT stopped trolling thrift stores to bring you the worst of the worst items that our society has to offer. We plan to start updating the blog regularly again now that everything has settled down and the holidays are over.

Here's something to whet your appetite:

At first glance, it's not overtly obvious why a filing cabinet that looks as though it's been shipped by Soviet Express should be funny. But if you look REALLY close, you can see a price tag for $15. $15 fucking dollars for a POS filing cabinet that looks as though Chris Farley fell on it. Something tells me that this wonderful eyesore is going to be in this store for years to come.