Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Doll Parts

You know, there's really nothing creepier than a bag full of doll parts. You are just left in wonder... Why are there doll parts in a bag? How did they become doll parts? Did someone's little brother simply take revenge on their girly toys or was this the work of someone more twisted, and disturbing? What would one do with doll parts? Where did all of these come from?

There are many unanswered questions, but one thing is apparent... This bag holds the key to many wrecked childhoods.


Saturday, July 25, 2009

One, two, Bozo's coming for you...

So you take two of the worst possible children's fears and put them together and what do you get?

Behold Bozo Krueger.

Freddy Krueger meets Bozo the Clown? Yeah, that's what it is, I'm afraid to say...

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Common Occurrences

You walk into a thrift store and ultimately each thrift store is pretty much the same place despite its different location. The smell is still that of your grandmother's old, cluttered closet and the dingy feeling of dust and grime still coats the air. Don't even get me started about the people and their shuffling, shopping habits, or the fact that there is 95% of the time a baby heard screaming in the background...

But what else binds all thrift stores together?

The endless rows of old computer monitors! While at one point these were hot items, sometimes selling for hundreds of dollars, they now sit and gather dust and the occasional glance from that one old man who just figured out how to "call the internet".

And since you're looking for an old tube monitor, don't forget to grab an old joystick to go along with it! There are literally dozens to choose from!

Then in the next aisle, among the puked on carseats, diaper genies, and toaster ovens, you'll discover that one perfect gift for mom... That one perfect gift that at one point everyone felt was the perfect gift and in an instant spontaneously bought... The foot bath! I guess mom was so overwhelmed with joy from the foot bath that she mistakingly threw it into the donate drop off at the Salvation Army... But now you can have one of your own!

And of course what thrift store visit would be complete without a couple of minutes weeding through the old 80s and 90s electronics? You might find a good deal on a cassette player here and if you're real lucky you may even find one of those hard to come by CD players.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Men are from Mars... Women are from Venus... Blah, blah, blah...

Honestly, this is just a personal nightmare for me. I hate anything that involves crap like this talking about how "different" the opposite sex is. I laugh at any guide that is there to help you "better understand" women and "fully figure out" men. Are people really this helpless in regards to the opposite sex? Are marriages really suffering because you can't figure out why men like lawn tractors and tools and women dig shoes and makeup? Ugh... Give me a break. And whoever wrote this book made TONS of money that people desperately paid! Now they make a game out of it!?!

When I first came across this horrid piece at the Good Will I sighed with relief thinking that the days of this worshipped crap were finally over. A week later I went to a local department store only to be startled by the appearance of the very same game with a different cover. I'm fearing that it will never end... And men and women will still keep themselves helplessly buying into this type of BS.

End of rant.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Being perfect isn't everything?

Well, no, it's not... But it sure as heck is less scary than this thing walking up the stairs!

And what is that it says at the top corner of the book? A troll book? I always thought of trolls as those cute little fat dolls with the colorful hair. After seeing this book though, I know that trolls come in all sorts of mysterious and frightening ways. *shudders*

I guess the chick isn't that bad... That is a chick... Right?

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Why go to the hardware store when you can go to the thrift store instead?

You know it's a bad thrift store when you walk in and immediately feel like you're in your dad's garage... What makes it worse though is when you actually see people buying half-filled cans of Folger's and various rusty cans of chemicals you've never even heard of... Seriously, you know some of these things are at least 20 or 30 years old.

Well, at least someone will buy them, yeah? Why else would they be sold?

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Run! Save yourselves!

My first impression of this piece was that it was an alien of sorts, as its head seems to be way larger than the average sized head and his eyes are of an unearthly form. Clearly there is something not right with this boy, what with holding dead lamb carcases with little or no emotion. I definitely wouldn't want to run into this kid in the middle of the night...

But upon looking even closer, I've decided that this likely isn't an alien at all, but just some really screwed up stuff. Pajamas? Angel wings? Dead lamb? I don't know and I don't really want to know why or what purpose this little figure served. However, for only 99 cents it can be yours! So act now!

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Patriotic Nightmares

Happy Birthday USA!

Show your love for your country with these fine shitty needlepoint decorations, a perfect gift for any mother-in-law or deadbeat dad:

And for our Southern patriots, this wonderful piece of Bradford Exchange fare would look right at home next to your stuffed raccoon or collection of vintage beer cans:

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Ah cassette players... This brings me back...

Remember the simple days when no Ipods or mp3 players existed? CDs were barely even in the making... But there were cassettes and you were the coolest kid on the block if you had a decent cassette player.

I'd imagine this one wouldn't do much for you though...

Take a close look. Something is missing... Something quite important.

No eject/open button!? Okay, that can't be right... Sadly though, it is. After battling this cassette player in disbelief for a few minutes, j-on and myself have determined that there is no physical way to open this cassette player aside from breaking it open. There is no hidden trick. No plugging it in and it magically opening... No pushing the cassette door to open it... Hell, that baby is solidly built and solidly shut! I can just imagine the horror glued across that one 80s kid who received this as a gift only to be defeated by this evil machine. He would not become the cool kid on the block. Instead he would be known as the boy who has a cassette player, but is too stupid to have one that actually accepts tapes...

I'd hope there was something we were missing, but it doesn't appear as so. And even if we did miss some random way of opening this horrid device, should it really be that difficult to open!?

I rest my case.