Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Hillbilly Corpse

This just scares me.

That is all.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Looking to show off that wild side of yours?

At first it was about saving an animal's dignity... Then it was about the fashion never really taking off... Now though, it's all about saving our eyesight. Seriously people, have animal prints ever really been that popular? Is it just cool to some people to wear their favorite animal's fur print? Yeah, that makes sense... I like zebras so let me go blend in with a bunch of them!

We all have seen these types of clothes worn at some point. I suppose it's all up to personal style... So next time your local trailer park lady waddles out of her humble home, point her to the direction of the nearest Salvation Army. She'll be sure to find these babies for a nice price.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Father's Day Nightmare

I'll be the first to admit, I'm not a fan of Father's Day. But how can you not get into the spirit of things looking at this:

Terrible, terrible, terrible. There's a very good reason that this shirt is in this thrift store. Some dimwitted kid bought this for his father, possibly at another thrift store, a couple of years ago. Whoever received the shirt promptly re-donated it to the Salvation Army, and hence here it is, back from whence it came, here for our amusement.

Doesn't it look a little like a retard drew the picture? And that MS Paint was used to do the main layout. You bet it does!

Friday, June 19, 2009

Behold Brick Lady! The circus sideshow freak made entirely out of...... brick?

I can appreciate someone's attempt to make art out of random objects... Really, I can. Come on though, guys! We're talking about painting a woman's face onto a brick!!! What, did your pet rock not interact with you enough? Did you need some jolly-faced fat woman to chuck at your enemy's window? I just don't get it. Do I ever though?

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Strangely enough... I kind of want to play this

You know what's worse than looking back at photographs of people with 80s hair?

What's worse is an 80s board game with cartoon drawings of Valley Girl shopaholics taking over the mall WITH horrible 80s hair.

Man... That has to bring you back.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

An oldie, but a goodie

Remember this handsome fellow?

Joel, the original thrift store nightmare.

Yeah, well, awhile back he made a video... He doesn't say much, but with a face like that, who needs to?

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Raise your chicken goblet high!

And make a toast to... KFC? Popeyes? Hmm...

This is the biggest and only piece of chicken flamboyancy that I have ever seen. The lovely soft pastel colors, the open magical stars, and the dainty little chicken face smothered in light blue eyeshadow...

Yet again another strange art piece found at the Salvation Army. Really these people should just devote a portion of their store as some sort of art museum for the reject masterpieces. Alas, that won't happen. Or is that a good thing?

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Fear of Clowns

I'm sorry my fellow coulrophobics, but this entry must be made. Do you have any idea how many creepy ass clown pieces I am forced to witness each time I walk through ANY thrift store!? Let me just point out a few examples...

It's too late to turn back now...

Happy the clown is not just here to wish you a special Happy Birthday... He's here to bite all little children's hands off! If you look closely, you can see a few blood splotches on his collar...

Now this guy from a distance may seem harmless, but let's look again. At first I just noticed his extremely dorky haircut, but upon second glance I noticed something far worse. This bashful little guy seems to be beckoning you into his magical clown room to nibble on his balloon animal. *shudders*

Oh good... It's just a clown display made for nurseries. Wait a minute! What babies don't cry at the sight of clowns!? Look at his evil eyes! Evil, I say!

Clowns made out of seashells... Yeah. Clowns... Made out of... Seashells. It seems as though someone found out what to do with all those crappy souvenirs from Florida, however, I can't say their new product is any less craptastic. Seriously, it's like clowns came back to life from tremendous amounts of destruction only to take shelter in a hard shell. If you think killing these clowns off will be easy, think again! Beware the clown crustaceans! And one is missing an arm... Ew.

And then there is Faceless the clown who appears to be a friendly, lovable circus clown holding a bundle of balloons for the kiddies... With, of course, a beating club buried beneath those balloons. I don't think I can think of anything scarier than a faceless clown with a club... Well, aside from that nightmare inducing Pilsbury Dough Boy in the background eager to stab you with a butcher's knife...

For now the chapter ends with these clown tales, but know that our quest to rid our life of these nightmares is far from over. After all, there is a reason why clown memorabilia is one of the top items located in thrift stores...

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Record roundup

What in the name of Apollo is going on in album cover? I know Chaka Khan is a terrible, annoying 80's loudmouth, but are they trying to imply that she's going to drug that poor girl who she's playing dress-up with? And all under the watchful eye of whoever the fuck's standing in the doorway with that creepy-ass grin. This is more messed up than ANY Roger Whittaker album.

Flattop Angel

The endless combinations of trailer park art and odd hairstyles never cease to amaze me.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

The Church Member

Hmm... Sure, you could look at this little holy guy and say he's just holding a flesh colored drinking glass/bowl. That's totally what it looks like, right? By the way, it's rather large for his size, is it not?

I especially am digging the expression on his innocent little face.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Just tell me what it is!

Another piece of duck art. Yuck. I still don't know what is up with these types of things.

J-on believes this is a nutcracker of some sort. I thought maybe it was some crude napkin holder. Really though, no thought should be wasted on trying to figure out its real use. I'm pretty sure it will remain on that counter with the rest of its craptastic brothers and sisters of junk. I especially enjoy the "I love my stylist" cup...


Monday, June 1, 2009

I honestly haven't seen this much densely-layered sexual innuendo in a good long while. Just read the box.

From what I can gather, you alleviate tension by vigorously rubbing an anime-haired Asian guy's balls all over your body. Hahaha, "ideal for use at home." I bet. It's also good for business trips, trips of whose purpose are largely a mystery to me and will remain that way. They should re-write that part to say "ideal for meeting Japanese businessmen in hotel rooms."