It's too late to turn back now...
Happy the clown is not just here to wish you a special Happy Birthday... He's here to bite all little children's hands off! If you look closely, you can see a few blood splotches on his collar...
Now this guy from a distance may seem harmless, but let's look again. At first I just noticed his extremely dorky haircut, but upon second glance I noticed something far worse. This bashful little guy seems to be beckoning you into his magical clown room to nibble on his balloon animal. *shudders*
Oh good... It's just a clown display made for nurseries. Wait a minute! What babies don't cry at the sight of clowns!? Look at his evil eyes! Evil, I say!
Clowns made out of seashells... Yeah. Clowns... Made out of... Seashells. It seems as though someone found out what to do with all those crappy souvenirs from Florida, however, I can't say their new product is any less craptastic. Seriously, it's like clowns came back to life from tremendous amounts of destruction only to take shelter in a hard shell. If you think killing these clowns off will be easy, think again! Beware the clown crustaceans! And one is missing an arm... Ew.
And then there is Faceless the clown who appears to be a friendly, lovable circus clown holding a bundle of balloons for the kiddies... With, of course, a beating club buried beneath those balloons. I don't think I can think of anything scarier than a faceless clown with a club... Well, aside from that nightmare inducing Pilsbury Dough Boy in the background eager to stab you with a butcher's knife...
For now the chapter ends with these clown tales, but know that our quest to rid our life of these nightmares is far from over. After all, there is a reason why clown memorabilia is one of the top items located in thrift stores...
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