Morbid Message to Grandma

Hey, you know what the best way to get rid of a child's death is? You make a little figurine as an angel to represent them! All grandmas want to know their kids are somewhere beyond the grave saying, "Hi, Grandma! We're DEAD, but we still love you!"

I feel really sad about this one. Some old lady is going to look at it and cry. Hell, this old lady who owned it probably broke town thinking about little Tommy and Timmy being gone forever and had no other choice but to donate this to Goodwill.

Ick.

Pedo Priest

Because you know that smile isn't just from the lord...

A long awaited update...

Because it's been awhile since we last updated, I've decided that all of you readers should get to view a handful of thriftstore nightmares we've come across these last few months... I wish this was for your viewing pleasure, but with any of these finds, you know how that goes....


Alright, first up we have the Deluxe Bedazzler! If the marketing angle is to dress up my clothing with studs and jewels to make myself look cooler, the people who made this product definitely messed up when they found this girl model. If I end up looking like her I might as well punch myself in the face because any normal person would beat the crap out of a dweeb like her... Especially a dweeb stuck in 1976 with a studded jacket... Come on...


Next we have a handcrafted coffee mug entitled "DAD". Because what better way to celebrate Dad's existence than with a mug that resembles some type of poop troll?


Okay now, let's see here... What is this? Oh, uh... A mummified, earless, bear monster?


Oh wait, scratch that. It's a squatting cat ash tray! Right... A squatting cat ash tray... You know, I don't even think you could find this piece in your weird next door neighbor cat lady's house.

Moving far, far away from that nightmare...

And some of these other nightmares have no descriptions. They just are what they are.


A half broken Jesus.


Legless bull rider.


Siamese Twins from Hell


I hope that this entry was sufficient enough to tide you over for now. I apologize for our absence on this website and promise to try and update it more often, but with a toddler running around and a husband who is a programmer, the two of us are constantly working on various new projects around the web, as well as chasing the little one. Rest assured that we always are on the look out for new nightmares, though! Thriftstore Nightmares is always one of our favorite hobbies, so be on the look out for new additions!

Death Clown

I'm always quite freaked out by the amount of clown crap we find at thrift stores. Thrift stores have an uneasy vibe about them BECAUSE they are clown graveyards of sorts. Any child who has ever held clown nightmares and received a tacky clown knick knack from Great Aunt Pearl will most likely jump on their bike and pay the nearest Goodwill to take it off their hands! What thrift store haven't you walked into and spotted rows and rows of hollow clown eyes staring holes into your inner childhood? You can almost here the crazed giggles and circus music as you walk by, or in my case, run by...

This knick knack disturbed me in multiple ways.


1. It's a clown knick knack. Enough said. Why people will continue to make these horrible pieces of old lady art, I will never know. CLOWNS ARE NOT CUTE, FUNNY, OR CLEVER!!!

2. Notice its death eyes. *shudders*

3. Why does it appear as if the child is worshiping it? Clearly that evil clown has a spell over the poor boy or the child is just terrified for his life.

4. I don't know about you, but if I had a box with a clown the same size as me popping out, I'd be peeing my pants. There's no way that's supposed to be a toy.

I hate clowns! So if you ever happen to come across a clown related item and feel the need to give it away to your nearest thrift store, STOP! Take it out back, pour some gasoline over it, hire a priest to exorcist it, and proceed to light that sucker up in flames!

Hot Potato!

Or rather... Giant glowing mutant potato!

Thanks Emily M. for discovering this hideous masterpiece and submitting it to us! Upon seeing this nightmare, I immediately became convinced that there is some sort of weird potato cult or potato fetish people out there. Who else would take it upon themselves to create such an item? But not only did these people take it upon themselves to make an actual potato lamp, but they made a GIANT potato lamp at that! This sucker measures in at 3 feet by 2 feet! WHAT!? Imagine how many french fries you could get from that!

You know there is no other lamp like this in existence. Kudos to you, Emily, for purchasing this one of a kind item! You've done us proud! I know if I were in your position, I'd have done the same thing!



Feel free to send anymore nightmares our way fellow thrift store shoppers!

King of the Jungle

Just explain to me... Under which circumstances would one ever wear this shirt?

Christmas time in May!

Hey guys, you know what's awesome? Getting great deals on clearance Christmas items! The way you go about doing this is so easy too! You just buy the Christmas items on the off season and you'll get them for practically a steal! Then come next Christmas you won't have to pay high dollar prices to decorate your lovely home! Now, it might be a little harder to find Christmas items in the month of may at your local department store, but a thrift store is always a good start! So let's see here... Need a Christmas tree?



Oh um... So that's a Christmas tree found at the Salvation Army, huh? Maybe it's not so bad... Let's take a good look, shall we?

-It's pre-lit. That's always a plus... But the lights are tangled.
-It's able to stand upright... But it is missing the upper half...
-It's green! It has that going for it!

Yeah... I don't know. Is it really worth the 10 dollars? I think Charley Brown may have one upped this sorry tree.

Tied up books...

These books must have been so crappy that they couldn't even untie them, sort them, and price them... It was quicker and cheaper to give you the whole lot for $1.00. But look at what you get! I'm sure you can't find information this up-to-date about Jesus just anywhere!

Another Reject Art Project

Let's hope little Timmy never walks into this Good Will and sees his masterpiece made especially for mommy in this craptastic store! His tears falling may prove to be more devastating than these deformed lizard creations.

The Mug Blob.

Who needs those fancy Denny's mugs when you can just drink from a turd mug? Seriously, someone kindly explain to me what this is supposed to be. And what's with the nose? All I'm getting from that is some demented Pinnochio offspring gone wrong...