The Endless Nightmare

Exploring thrift stores may look exciting and glamorous, but the reality is that it requires persistence and patience. It can be a lot of fun, but for the most part consists of this:


Look at all of this worthless crap. In this picture alone, there's a broken inkjet printer, a crappy portable TV from the 80's, salad shooter, an answering machine with a missing power adapter, a VHS rewinder, a broken night light, a cassette-only boom box with a broken antenna and a damaged power cord, a "Texas Hold 'Em" TV Poker with the contents of the box strewn around the shelf, and a box of light bulbs from the 70's. This is only a minor preview of all of the shit you have to sift through to find a thrift store nightmare.

Usually though, the best items almost literally jump out at you, so in the grand scheme of things it all balances out.

-j-on

[EDIT: I think I got a disease from this thrift store.]

Scream

Hmm....

Need I say more?

-k8

I can't tell if this is supposed to be something from H. R. Geiger's nightmares or the deformed fetus from Eraserhead.

Let's see here...

If M&M Bowling was actually a sport, I'm sure that this would be the craptastic championship trophy... My god, why on earth is this stupid thing wearing those shoes exactly?

-k8

I'm not sure exactly what's wrong with this...

But I think it's agreed that there is, in fact, something wrong with it.

Maybe this picture is completely innocent, but my god, who the hell would hang this anywhere in their house? And why? Perhaps a better question is "why does every portrayal of a male from the 70's feature that horrible three dimensional side-part and a mustache?"

-j-on

Pretty In Pink?

This folks, is what we call a fashion nightmare. We've all seen one outfit or another throughout our lives where we just have to sit back, pause, and take it in. Who in their right mind would have EVER found something like this fashionable!? Even in the 80s, though it was a horrifying decade for any type of apparel, I find endless amounts of disbelief in acknowledging the fact that someone, somewhere, wore this. My guess is that a psychotic bride forced her brides maids to wear dresses like these after hours of Chinese water torture... I try to convince myself that it was something a little more rational, like some blind chick going to the prom... But I know somehow that someone once adored this dress, and that in itself makes me cringe uncontrollably. I think it's best to just walk away from this one...

-k8

Its only use is a bookend for D&D manuals...

And you know it's been sitting there sine 1987.

-j-on

For the love of god...

Look at this latest monstrosity that turned up in a relatively seedy thrift store in the next town over. I'm guessing that when faced with a failing career as a fat annoying loudmouth, ol' Rosie figured she'd cash in on her last shreds of popularity and create this unholy likeness. It's not even a very good likeness; they forgot to add about 300 pounds. And yes, you're reading that right, it's a talking Rosie doll. Thankfully, the voice box was broken, but when I hit the switch it emitted a tormented, digitized groan, something I'd compare to a lion choking on a bowling shoe or a demon with asthma.

As an added bonus, I found this obsolete piece of trash:


Gee, I wonder if the that thing can get the internet!!!1 Seriously, though, I don't know if it's more sad that this thing is taking up space in the store or that they want $20 for it.

-j-on

Here's an idea...

Next time you have a party, make sure you break this bad boy out!


Not only will you have guaranteed endless amounts of fun, but you'll also have an assortment of hairpiece game pieces to choose from! Screw Monopoly! How can any household exist without owning this awesome game?
-k8

Introducing... Tard Barbie!

Now coming from a meth house near you!
If this had a pull string, it would say "duhhhhhhh..."

They say Barbie makes a great role model for growing girls. When it comes to this one, I think it's best to keep growing girls away unless you want your kid to have a growing addiction problem. Yikes...

-k8