Keep an Eye Out Folks

We have just welcomed a new child into the world, so, dear readers, as you can imagine, we've been busy. But we have NOT stopped trolling thrift stores to bring you the worst of the worst items that our society has to offer. We plan to start updating the blog regularly again now that everything has settled down and the holidays are over.

Here's something to whet your appetite:



At first glance, it's not overtly obvious why a filing cabinet that looks as though it's been shipped by Soviet Express should be funny. But if you look REALLY close, you can see a price tag for $15. $15 fucking dollars for a POS filing cabinet that looks as though Chris Farley fell on it. Something tells me that this wonderful eyesore is going to be in this store for years to come.

Likely found in a junkie's home...

Never and I mean NEVER, under any circumstances, should you ever be able to find this at a thrift store!!! I definitely avoided touching that one... But I did get a nice picture!

The Parent Trap.

You know all those experts who write books and books about perfect parenting guides?

Yeah... Something tells me that you've likely found all of their copies of their books at one thrift store or another. Every thrift store seems to have a huge pile or shelf devoted to parenting books. And why?

Because they don't work!

Seriously folks, if you have to turn to a book to help improve your parenting style, you might want to rethink that whole plan... Remember, you're relying on books that eventually haunt the shelves and gather dust at the nearest Salvation Army. Instead of spending countless hours sifting through those dusty books, why not try listening to and/or paying attention to your kid on your own instead?

Questionable Book Covers.

Almost every thrift store has a book section. Sometimes you can find a lot of useful books, too, especially those of the self-help variety. But sometimes you just come across books with covers that leave you with a permanent questioning face. For example:


Just what in the hell is going on here? I can only imagine that this book has something to do with computers from the 80s being evil... So evil that they had to label them "The Dragon's eye". If you stare directly into the screen, er... um, the "dragon's eye", you'll become a lifeless body of retardation.

Well, this book seems fairly normal.

But then you turn it over... Could this book scream the 90s anymore? There's not necessarily anything wrong with it, but tell me I'm not alone in noticing the highly advertised messages of diversity. It was everywhere!


Knee Holes... The story of a young boy and his quest to one day be a woman... That is a boy, right?

Dollar Store Baby

I would like to apologize for our recent lack of activity, but we've been preparing for fast-approaching parenthood. As you can imagine, the last couple of weeks have been hectic. But that hasn't stopped our never-ending quest to find the most terrible thrift store atrocities imaginable.

For this next Nightmare, we decided to raid the local dollar store. As you can imagine we didn't have to try very hard to find this:



I can't imagine who in their right mind would buy this for their child to play with. The items at this dollar store are supposedly new, so what gives with this doll with the bashed-in face? It looks like a fat, sweaty asshole sat on its face.

Something no white trash home should be without...

Another failed art project...

Need a place to stash your weed? Why, the solution is simple of course! Just pop this lovely Eskimo's head off and throw your valuables inside his gut!

You know, for being a reject art project that ended up at the Community Thrift Store, this little guy somehow called out to me. There's something about that face that made me want to take him home... But with the collection of thrift store nightmares I already have, it's best to let this guy find a home in some loving pothead's house. Someday he'll find his real place...

Doll Parts

You know, there's really nothing creepier than a bag full of doll parts. You are just left in wonder... Why are there doll parts in a bag? How did they become doll parts? Did someone's little brother simply take revenge on their girly toys or was this the work of someone more twisted, and disturbing? What would one do with doll parts? Where did all of these come from?

There are many unanswered questions, but one thing is apparent... This bag holds the key to many wrecked childhoods.

-k8

One, two, Bozo's coming for you...

So you take two of the worst possible children's fears and put them together and what do you get?


Behold Bozo Krueger.

Freddy Krueger meets Bozo the Clown? Yeah, that's what it is, I'm afraid to say...

Common Occurrences

You walk into a thrift store and ultimately each thrift store is pretty much the same place despite its different location. The smell is still that of your grandmother's old, cluttered closet and the dingy feeling of dust and grime still coats the air. Don't even get me started about the people and their shuffling, shopping habits, or the fact that there is 95% of the time a baby heard screaming in the background...

But what else binds all thrift stores together?


The endless rows of old computer monitors! While at one point these were hot items, sometimes selling for hundreds of dollars, they now sit and gather dust and the occasional glance from that one old man who just figured out how to "call the internet".


And since you're looking for an old tube monitor, don't forget to grab an old joystick to go along with it! There are literally dozens to choose from!


Then in the next aisle, among the puked on carseats, diaper genies, and toaster ovens, you'll discover that one perfect gift for mom... That one perfect gift that at one point everyone felt was the perfect gift and in an instant spontaneously bought... The foot bath! I guess mom was so overwhelmed with joy from the foot bath that she mistakingly threw it into the donate drop off at the Salvation Army... But now you can have one of your own!


And of course what thrift store visit would be complete without a couple of minutes weeding through the old 80s and 90s electronics? You might find a good deal on a cassette player here and if you're real lucky you may even find one of those hard to come by CD players.