Call the police!

If there is any reason why someone would want or need a statue of a cop, I don't know it.

Demeneted Doll Head with Hair Plugs

Are you a deadbeat uncle on a budget? Then this cheaply made doll head is perfect. It may not provide quality, but it certainly will provide quantity, especially when paired with a deformed baby doll or a bag of Mexican mystery candy.

Dollar Store Baby

I would like to apologize for our recent lack of activity, but we've been preparing for fast-approaching parenthood. As you can imagine, the last couple of weeks have been hectic. But that hasn't stopped our never-ending quest to find the most terrible thrift store atrocities imaginable.

For this next Nightmare, we decided to raid the local dollar store. As you can imagine we didn't have to try very hard to find this:



I can't imagine who in their right mind would buy this for their child to play with. The items at this dollar store are supposedly new, so what gives with this doll with the bashed-in face? It looks like a fat, sweaty asshole sat on its face.

Doll Parts

You know, there's really nothing creepier than a bag full of doll parts. You are just left in wonder... Why are there doll parts in a bag? How did they become doll parts? Did someone's little brother simply take revenge on their girly toys or was this the work of someone more twisted, and disturbing? What would one do with doll parts? Where did all of these come from?

There are many unanswered questions, but one thing is apparent... This bag holds the key to many wrecked childhoods.

-k8

An oldie, but a goodie

Remember this handsome fellow?

Joel, the original thrift store nightmare.

Yeah, well, awhile back he made a video... He doesn't say much, but with a face like that, who needs to?

Like, oh my god!

No... No, they didn't.

There are several things wrong with this item.

It's in a fuzzy Barbie frame. Some little girl at one point worshiped Hilary Duff enough to put her in a pretty pink Barbie frame. I guess I could see how the two could go together, but that's way too much girl overload for this writer...

It's Hilary Duff that someone was worshiping. Yuck. Teeny girl stars give me the creeps as it is... Sure, this may be a personal thing, but it's still my blog and my thrift store nightmare!

"Preppy Punk". Excuse me while I gag... Because any real punk rocker knows that the words "preppy" and "punk" will NEVER go in the same sentence together... Unless of course someone were to say, "I'm so punk I beat that preppy idiot's ass!" Even still...

Her clothing choice? Also not punk rock... Sorry honey, designer's clothes are a big "no, no".

All in all, it's not really so scary because it's a thrift store nightmare, but mostly because there are tons of girls (likely in your own neighborhood) that have this same obsession with Hilary Duff, Hannah Montana, or whatever the hell blond chick pops up next... Beware, for the teeny bopper fans are the ones that can destroy our world.

-k8

Phone home?

If ET had a sister, this surely would be it.


Come on, you cannot deny it. Look at that resemblance!



I imagine that she didn't have the opportunity to phone home, however... Or maybe it was that her fellow aliens thought she was too ugly to bring home... Either way, it appears as though she's taken it upon herself to travel the world and eventually settle down somewhere in Mexico to make a new life for herself. I guess for a creepy looking alien that's not too bad, eh?

-k8

Does anybody else find this offensive?

I mean how much more stereotypical could the maker of this doll actually have made it? Perhaps they could have incorporated a bottle of syrup and a stack of pancakes to go with it? And what is up with the blank face? In general that blank face is enough to make me run... I have this strange feeling that this doll is cursed somehow. Either way, I'm glad this wasn't a purchase that we made.

-k8

Oh Tard Barbie... Just how low will you sink?

"I talk through a hole in my throat"
Yep folks, that's right... We've come across her once again at an entirely different thrift store. I was really hoping Tard Barbie would clean up her act and drop that nasty meth habit, but unfortunately, as you can see by the massive amounts of track marks across her chest, she's only picked up an even nastier heroin problem. Not only that, but it appears as though she's also been forced to receive a tracheotomy from her rough lifestyle of smoking nonstop and she's without her clothes, indicating that she's stooping to all sorts of lows to afford these pesky habits. Oh Tard Barbie... It saddens me to see you at this state. Heres hoping some nice kid will buy her and give her a more positive upbringing...

-k8

Bozo the Barbie

Okay... Seriously... Who in their right fucking mind let this Barbie be made with this much makeup? And the hair? And the clothes? One could argue that maybe a child switched the clothes up and this was the end result, but that's the more hopeful side of me thinking. The more logical side of me says that the makers of Barbie were really high on drugs and thought this to be fashionably acceptable back in the 60s.

*sigh*



I mean, do you really want this to be your child's role model? I mean, really? "Hey look mom, I can put make up on just like Barbie!" And then they one day become a fat, loud, more obnoxious version of Barbie due to everyone making fun of their pathetic fashion, unmanageable clown hair, and whore makeup... Either keep your kids away or fear their future....



-k8

blowjobbaby.jpg

I don't know what's worse... The fact that this baby doll's head looks like it's some sort of sexual device found at your local adult store or the sad truth that nearly all Barbies and dolls are 95% of the time found half nude at thrift stores. Seriously, what is up with that? Perhaps it is best not to know...

-k8

[Edit: I find the glazed-over look in its eyes pretty disturbing.

-j-on]

Sometimes we just need a break...

This entry will be a quick one, for my husband and I have both caught some sort of rare form of tuberculosis or perhaps a random unheard of disease with no cure from one of the various thrift stores we ventured to. Don't fret though kids! We'll be back up and running at full speed once we recover 100%. Unfortunately with thrift store shopping you never know what you're going to find... And sometimes it may come in the form of a virus. Stay tuned. For now, here's Hulk Hogan on a horse. Yep...

-k8

For the love of god...

Look at this latest monstrosity that turned up in a relatively seedy thrift store in the next town over. I'm guessing that when faced with a failing career as a fat annoying loudmouth, ol' Rosie figured she'd cash in on her last shreds of popularity and create this unholy likeness. It's not even a very good likeness; they forgot to add about 300 pounds. And yes, you're reading that right, it's a talking Rosie doll. Thankfully, the voice box was broken, but when I hit the switch it emitted a tormented, digitized groan, something I'd compare to a lion choking on a bowling shoe or a demon with asthma.

As an added bonus, I found this obsolete piece of trash:


Gee, I wonder if the that thing can get the internet!!!1 Seriously, though, I don't know if it's more sad that this thing is taking up space in the store or that they want $20 for it.

-j-on

Introducing... Tard Barbie!

Now coming from a meth house near you!
If this had a pull string, it would say "duhhhhhhh..."

They say Barbie makes a great role model for growing girls. When it comes to this one, I think it's best to keep growing girls away unless you want your kid to have a growing addiction problem. Yikes...

-k8

The Original Nightmare

Behold Joel, the original thrift store nightmare.


Joel was originally found a few years back when my friends and I went to a local thrift store spontaneously looking to kill time. I had wandered around on my own for a bit only to find my two friends quickly approaching me with their faces drained of color, a paleness remaining. To say they looked like they had seen a ghost would be putting it mildly. After getting the low down of the creature they had just discovered, I followed them curiously to the location of said item, insisting on taking a look. I'm not going to lie. Joel made me step back a bit. There he was among a herd of slightly used Pooh bears and enough water babies to drain the Mississippi River. His head barely peered out to all who passed him by. I of course had to see his whole body.

I was left in disbelief. What on earth had I just found? Was this some sort of Amish Voodoo torture doll or some sentimental doll a deranged granny thought worthly of giving her only grandchild? If Little Lord Fauntleroy's corpse went missing, I had surely found it. Jesus. With the horror that surrounded this incredibly creepy piece, what else was I to do?

Buy it of course!

Since then Joel has made himself at home in my living establishment and though through the years he has sent many guests screaming, he's still quite a happy member of our family and will continue to be... After all, with a doll like this, you can't be too careful with how you act around him. Chucky's got nothing on Joel...



-k8