Nuts!

Nut enthusiasts will certainly go nuts for this nutty dish! Yeah, that was lame...

This is a gallon sized nut bowl with a tiny brown squirrel on top. So many questions, so few answers. Why is the dish so large? What do you put in the dish? Why is the squirrel on top so tiny? Who uses this?

One thing is for certain though... Someone my mom's age will come along and snatch this piece up ASAP. All you'll hear is, "Oh look how sweet!" and then it will all be over. At least we know this handcrafted nightmare will one day find another home... Somewhere out there.

Morbid Message to Grandma

Hey, you know what the best way to get rid of a child's death is? You make a little figurine as an angel to represent them! All grandmas want to know their kids are somewhere beyond the grave saying, "Hi, Grandma! We're DEAD, but we still love you!"

I feel really sad about this one. Some old lady is going to look at it and cry. Hell, this old lady who owned it probably broke town thinking about little Tommy and Timmy being gone forever and had no other choice but to donate this to Goodwill.

Ick.

Pedo Priest

Because you know that smile isn't just from the lord...

A long awaited update...

Because it's been awhile since we last updated, I've decided that all of you readers should get to view a handful of thriftstore nightmares we've come across these last few months... I wish this was for your viewing pleasure, but with any of these finds, you know how that goes....


Alright, first up we have the Deluxe Bedazzler! If the marketing angle is to dress up my clothing with studs and jewels to make myself look cooler, the people who made this product definitely messed up when they found this girl model. If I end up looking like her I might as well punch myself in the face because any normal person would beat the crap out of a dweeb like her... Especially a dweeb stuck in 1976 with a studded jacket... Come on...


Next we have a handcrafted coffee mug entitled "DAD". Because what better way to celebrate Dad's existence than with a mug that resembles some type of poop troll?


Okay now, let's see here... What is this? Oh, uh... A mummified, earless, bear monster?


Oh wait, scratch that. It's a squatting cat ash tray! Right... A squatting cat ash tray... You know, I don't even think you could find this piece in your weird next door neighbor cat lady's house.

Moving far, far away from that nightmare...

And some of these other nightmares have no descriptions. They just are what they are.


A half broken Jesus.


Legless bull rider.


Siamese Twins from Hell


I hope that this entry was sufficient enough to tide you over for now. I apologize for our absence on this website and promise to try and update it more often, but with a toddler running around and a husband who is a programmer, the two of us are constantly working on various new projects around the web, as well as chasing the little one. Rest assured that we always are on the look out for new nightmares, though! Thriftstore Nightmares is always one of our favorite hobbies, so be on the look out for new additions!

The Mug Blob.

Who needs those fancy Denny's mugs when you can just drink from a turd mug? Seriously, someone kindly explain to me what this is supposed to be. And what's with the nose? All I'm getting from that is some demented Pinnochio offspring gone wrong...

The Newest State

As a resident of Gllinois, I'm glad the person who painstakingly painted this one-of-a-kind Gllinois commemorative plate lovingly captured all of the things I love about Gllinois. Not only is Abe Lincoln's slightly retarded Gllinoian brother Lester pictured, but a depressing city, a phallic structure, a rickety shack in the middle of nowhere, and a dilapidated government building all fit in quite nicely. These are just some of the amazing things you'll see on your next trip to Gllinois.

Run! Save yourselves!

My first impression of this piece was that it was an alien of sorts, as its head seems to be way larger than the average sized head and his eyes are of an unearthly form. Clearly there is something not right with this boy, what with holding dead lamb carcases with little or no emotion. I definitely wouldn't want to run into this kid in the middle of the night...

But upon looking even closer, I've decided that this likely isn't an alien at all, but just some really screwed up stuff. Pajamas? Angel wings? Dead lamb? I don't know and I don't really want to know why or what purpose this little figure served. However, for only 99 cents it can be yours! So act now!

Flattop Angel

The endless combinations of trailer park art and odd hairstyles never cease to amaze me.

The Church Member

Hmm... Sure, you could look at this little holy guy and say he's just holding a flesh colored drinking glass/bowl. That's totally what it looks like, right? By the way, it's rather large for his size, is it not?

I especially am digging the expression on his innocent little face.

Man, I knew it was hot in Egypt, but come on!

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

I think my husband hit the nail on the head when he assumed that these were left on somebody's car dashboard in the blazing hot sun. It's not so sad that they're melted, but absolutely pathetic that lighting them wasn't the initial way of melting them...

Egyptian pyramids... What's that? Oh yeah, aren't those supposed to have four, rather than three sides?

I must say, the thrift store we found these in has some of the best objects I've ever seen as far as nightmares go. Think of that thrift store your old, miserable, deranged uncle would shop at for rusty lawnmower parts and you'll get right idea... The place is so dusty and grimy that every time we go in there we immediately feel the need to shower afterwards. And yes, it is so cluttered with piles of junk that I have gotten lost inside this place. It was quite a scary experience. I'm lucky that I have my faithful j-on to guide me through though... And somehow, finding hilarious objects like these make it all worthwhile.

-k8

Could a tin be any tackier?

Seriously guys, there are no words.

-k8

Old Lady Junk

This is an entry that has been a long time in the making. I've been pondering for a couple of weeks on exactly how to structure this entry. First, a story.

What exactly is "old lady junk"? Here's the best way I can explain it. Imagine waking up on a Saturday morning and, at a loss of what to do with your day, feel an urge to go "garage sale-ing". You set out with the intent to find unique or useful items but after actually visiting two or three garage sales you're sad, hurt and disappointed that all you could find was crap like this:


This, my readers, is EXACTLY what I mean when I say "old lady junk". Just random, useless bric-a-brac found in abundance in nearly every grandma's house. And believe it or not, there are entire thrift stores that have accumulated nothing but this very same old lady junk.






And last but not least, there's this horrible piece of crap:


This is especially irritating because I think we all know that late middle-aged/old person who finds sayings like this clever or funny.

The Nude Chia

A Chia Pet without its growable seed kit is like a cat without its fur... A very sad sight to see. I've never really thrown myself into the world of Chia Pets, but aren't you supposed to discard these things after the plant has died? And a Chia Gator? Man, they make those things out of everything, don't they? Anybody seen Chia Obama yet? Crazy...

But like many other thrift store nightmares before this one, I'm afraid the nude gator will remain naked and alone for the rest of his days in the Salvation Army.

-k8

Hey! Let's play a game!

Let's see who can spot the most thrift store nightmares in this photo! I'll start with that tacky leopard print pocket mirror... *shudders*

-k8

Random Foreign Knickknacks

You know we've all been there... You visit a new place and absolutely try your hardest to avoid the gift shop, but you somehow always end up there. Try as hard as you might, somehow you always end up finding the most random and sometimes, usually, tackiest item and decide that this would be the perfect reminder of your trip. I really wish these things could be thought through more thoroughly. These items always end up at thrift stores and it's sad to see them lie there, unclaimed, as no one wants anything to do with these little oddball objects. Here are a couple of examples:

Yep, every house needs a random two-headed person with a bushy mustache!


I know what they were going for, but did the maker's really have to give this poor thing clown shoes?

And what better way to liven up your house than a sad old fisherman!

So my precious readers, I urge you... Next time you visit a thrift store and see one of these neglected nightmares, pick one up and take it home. Think about all of the homes of its past and the unwanted item alone. Thrift Store Nightmares have feelings too!

-k8

Beaten Bozo

Because there's nothing the kiddies love more than a dead clown!

-k8

Ya know...

Some things just can't be figured out....

What is up with this thing? Is it supposed to be a mummy Halloween decoration?

Was this some sort of art project?

Why does the mummy have a suitcase? Where would a mummy travel to?

Why the colors? Is it going into combat of some sort and in need of camouflage disguise?

All these questions, but no answers... I'll be left hanging forever. This is another example of one of those pieces that will sadly probably remain at the thrift store for years to come, dusty on the shelf and shunned by all who walk by. I feel kind of bad for this traveling mummy soldier... But alas, my home too cannot provide a home for such an odd artifact. It just wouldn't be right.

-k8

It's a miracle the North won...

Take one look at this:

Union soldier or sideshow freak? Why would the US Army recruit this deformed asshole?
Take a closer look:

I don't quite understand this one, because it was obviously carved by a drunken redneck, but why on earth would a drunken redneck carve a Union soldier?

-j-on

Keep out if you know what's good for you...

Okay, let's thoroughly examine this horrifying scenario. It's quite apparent that there is some unwanted incest going on, and you totally know that the poor little sister was molested violently with that stick the boy is holding. Just look at that little bastard's evil expression! I'm not sure, but also I feel that maybe there was a victim beforehand. Just look at the little kid or doll lying behind the girl. Yeah, there's no questioning this. That boy has some severe issues.

-k8

UPS Santa

Because there is nothing more exciting than opening a bunch of plain brown boxes for Christmas!!!

I don't know about you, but the idea of children running up to this guy screaming, "Santa, Santa, Santa!" is not exactly the best one. After all, chances are that this guy has a prison record and likely hates his life for working for such a piss poor company. He'll not only kick your fragile packages around in his sleigh, but also kick the shit out of any toddlers that even look at him twice.

UPS Santa is not that cheerful, jolly old man we're used to... He's a modern, alcoholic, Nascar watching hick with no time to deal with naughty or nice lists. Don't piss him off!

-k8