Like, oh my god!

No... No, they didn't.

There are several things wrong with this item.

It's in a fuzzy Barbie frame. Some little girl at one point worshiped Hilary Duff enough to put her in a pretty pink Barbie frame. I guess I could see how the two could go together, but that's way too much girl overload for this writer...

It's Hilary Duff that someone was worshiping. Yuck. Teeny girl stars give me the creeps as it is... Sure, this may be a personal thing, but it's still my blog and my thrift store nightmare!

"Preppy Punk". Excuse me while I gag... Because any real punk rocker knows that the words "preppy" and "punk" will NEVER go in the same sentence together... Unless of course someone were to say, "I'm so punk I beat that preppy idiot's ass!" Even still...

Her clothing choice? Also not punk rock... Sorry honey, designer's clothes are a big "no, no".

All in all, it's not really so scary because it's a thrift store nightmare, but mostly because there are tons of girls (likely in your own neighborhood) that have this same obsession with Hilary Duff, Hannah Montana, or whatever the hell blond chick pops up next... Beware, for the teeny bopper fans are the ones that can destroy our world.

-k8

I don't know about you...

But I think these two items were just meant to be sold together...

And


I mean, if you got into a guy's car and saw that shirt, wouldn't you expect for him to have that car cassette player? And if you got into a guy's car and saw that car cassette player, wouldn't you expect to find him wearing that outrageous shirt?

-k8

So you want to know what these thrift store stops look like?

Commonly we are asked where we find such nightmares, or to some, treasures, that we speak about in this blog. Now, let me tell you that finding thrift store nightmares is not the easiest job and is in fact one that takes a lot of dedication, especially when it comes to finding the perfect stores to shop. The two of us have done our research and searched far and wide (and continue to) destined to have found the seediest, most visibly damaged looking stores. These usually hold our best treasures. Whether it be the Salvation Army with a bum sitting outside or a Joliet area thrift store with run down buildings surrounding it and gangster rap in the air, we are usually successful at finding the most interesting crap. We've risked our health (we're positive that we caught a thrift store virus) and even our safety (we went to a very wrong side of town a time or two) to bring these nightmares to light... But somebody has to do it!


-k8

Random Foreign Knickknacks

You know we've all been there... You visit a new place and absolutely try your hardest to avoid the gift shop, but you somehow always end up there. Try as hard as you might, somehow you always end up finding the most random and sometimes, usually, tackiest item and decide that this would be the perfect reminder of your trip. I really wish these things could be thought through more thoroughly. These items always end up at thrift stores and it's sad to see them lie there, unclaimed, as no one wants anything to do with these little oddball objects. Here are a couple of examples:

Yep, every house needs a random two-headed person with a bushy mustache!


I know what they were going for, but did the maker's really have to give this poor thing clown shoes?

And what better way to liven up your house than a sad old fisherman!

So my precious readers, I urge you... Next time you visit a thrift store and see one of these neglected nightmares, pick one up and take it home. Think about all of the homes of its past and the unwanted item alone. Thrift Store Nightmares have feelings too!

-k8

You guess is as good as mine.

With what this is.

I am left with so many questions.

What is this? Is it some sort of ape? Some sort of idiotic cave man?

Why are it's teeth falling out of its head?

Is it supposed to be a piggy bank of some sort with that slit in the middle?

Why the glasses? Why the odd thing in its hand?

But as always, with all thrift store nightmares, my biggest question of all is this... Why on earth does this exist? The world will unfortunately never know.

-k8

Beaten Bozo

Because there's nothing the kiddies love more than a dead clown!

-k8

Jesus is watching you!

Yep, that's right, if you hang this bad boy up in your household Jesus will most definitely catch everything that you do. EVERYTHING! Nothing escapes those eerie eyes! And by the looks of this, I'm pretty certain that Jesus is some sort of pervert. Just look at it!

*shudders*

If I weren't already an atheist this thing would certainly give me enough reason to be one. Seriously, who finds this comforting!?

-k8

Scooby Doo, where are you?

Why, he's at the Salvation Army of course!

This may not necessarily be a thrift store nightmare, but it is a personal nightmare for me, as I despise Scooby Doo in tremendous amounts. Just why on earth are there so many copies of this one specific episode? I don't even think department stores hold that many copies! Yuck...

-k8

Phone home?

If ET had a sister, this surely would be it.


Come on, you cannot deny it. Look at that resemblance!



I imagine that she didn't have the opportunity to phone home, however... Or maybe it was that her fellow aliens thought she was too ugly to bring home... Either way, it appears as though she's taken it upon herself to travel the world and eventually settle down somewhere in Mexico to make a new life for herself. I guess for a creepy looking alien that's not too bad, eh?

-k8

Thrust! Thrust I say!

Oh my.

-k8

George Washington Beer!

Because what's more respectable to our first president than to drink him?

And what does that small print say? "I cannot tell a lie." Damn right! Once you drink this stuff, you'll be full of all sorts of truth serum! So drink up, I say! Here's to you Mr. President!

-k8

Inappropriate painting

Painting a portrait of your child is perfectly acceptable. This is not. Something tells me that whoever painted this kid is not related to him, and that the kid was lured into a loft apartment by a mustachioed man with promises of candy and puppies.


All art has a message. What's the message here? What's the artist trying to convey? If it's that the artist likes little boys with creepily seductive expressions so much that he has to paint them in a psychedelic dream world where no age of consent laws exist, I'd say he succeeded admirably.

-j-on

Ya know...

Some things just can't be figured out....

What is up with this thing? Is it supposed to be a mummy Halloween decoration?

Was this some sort of art project?

Why does the mummy have a suitcase? Where would a mummy travel to?

Why the colors? Is it going into combat of some sort and in need of camouflage disguise?

All these questions, but no answers... I'll be left hanging forever. This is another example of one of those pieces that will sadly probably remain at the thrift store for years to come, dusty on the shelf and shunned by all who walk by. I feel kind of bad for this traveling mummy soldier... But alas, my home too cannot provide a home for such an odd artifact. It just wouldn't be right.

-k8

To continue on with our Civil War theme...

What better way to show respect towards our fallen civil war veterans than by making a lamp out of them?


Just look at the excitement on that man's face!

-k8